Depressed

 I don’t know what’s going on with me lately. I have little to no motivation to do anything unless I absolutely have to. My gas light has been on for the past two days. I don’t feel like stopping. Keep saying that there’s stuff I need to do like laundry. It’s still sitting here staring at me. I have therapy tomorrow so we’ll see what happens. Maybe I can figure it out with her. I’m bored but like I said, I have no motivation to do anything so I just lay here and get frustrated. 

Rage

 I realize today when I was talking to Kanga. They can bring out the rage in me like nobody else. I’ve been struggling the last couple days. I’ve had a lot going on in my brain. I don’t like having to make hard decisions. I also don’t like change, but this whole time I’ve been alive. I dealt with change every day. None of this probably makes sense, but it’s OK. Makes sense to me. I’m not real big on people either. I don’t understand the dynamic of hurting people that you say You love. I don’t even understand violence really it’s so unnecessary. 

Muffin.

 I remember in like nine or 10th grade I used to ride the bus to high school. It was quite a distance away  I met this man. I am a probably 14 or 15-year-old girl naïve. We chitchat a couple times I see him on different days. He tells me he’s a baker at a donut shop. He brings me a muffin one morning of course I didn’t eat it right away. I ate it that afternoon coming home from school on the bus and I had fallen asleep and missed my stop so I had to Walk about a mile and a half to get home, but I’m saying this to say I was probably drugged. 

—@—

 I want to discuss a couple different topics today. First and foremost, lately one of my people does a lot of volunteer work mostly with sick patients. There has been a lot of stuff that has happened and my person was cut out. What I have learned from observing this whole happening. People do not have boundaries. People are greedy people only want to help who they want to help when you’re working in a nonprofit you don’t pick and choose the people that you want to help. It makes me really sad to watch this person go through this because they put their heart and soul into this and it’s been yanked away from them. People portray themselves to be one way and they’re not.

That didn’t go as planned. 

Managed

 So have you ever had someone who was very temperamental and easily triggered? Well I have. When we are together I have to survey the area around us. What am I looking for? Any potential problems ie something/someone in the way. If I can alleviate any extra stress on myself I will do whatever it takes. It’s taxing on the mind, body, and soul. It’s exhausting. 

Place

 So I think a lot people overestimate their importance in other people’s life. I have a couple people in my life right now that the sun rises and sets on them being in everybody’s orbit. It absolutely drives me insane. I understand being confident but this is way beyond that. Everybody look at me!!!!!

Hot!

I cant the heat. Its gross. You constantly sweat. Yuck.